Monday, June 7, 2010

Queen Awesome's Adventures in Cancerland: World 6

I was still trying to hold on to a shred of hope that everything was okay. I was trying to tell myself that the results had been forwarded because they were borderline and they wanted a second opinion that it was okay. Deep down I knew, but I was still trying to hope. That last glimmer of hope was about to shatter. That afternoon my phone rang. It was Dawn at Dr Bobyn’s office. My test results had been faxed and Dr Bobyn needed to see me right away. We agreed that Dr Bobyn would squeeze me in the next morning at 7:50 am. I felt like I was going to throw up.

I texted Crystal that I knew something was wrong. I told her about the call from my doctor’s nurse and my appointment the next morning. Kerrie’s son was with us which was motivation to keep myself together. Tuesday nights are also our volleyball night and I was hoping the game would keep me distracted. We were dropping Kerrie’s son off in town with his mom and picking up his daughter at the same time, so we packed up his son’s stuff, the volleyball stuff and put together some beach toys for his daughter to play with during the game. Just as we were pulling into town, my phone rang again. This time it was Dr Baliski.

It was just after 4:30 pm when Dr Baliski called with my results. He told me he had my results and he was sorry to tell me that it is melanoma. I couldn’t hold it back, I just started to bawl. The rest of the conversation is a bit foggy. I remember him saying that I needed more testing and that he’d be doing another surgery in 2 to 3 weeks. I remember asking him if I was going to need chemo. I also remember at that point Kerrie grabbing my hand. He asked me if I had any questions and I told him not yet. He said that I would and to write them down. His office would be calling me to set up appointment times for the testing that needed to be done and that he wanted to see me again before the surgery in his office. I hung up and Kerrie asked what it was. I knew his son was listening so I just said “what we hoped it wasn’t.”

We pulled into the Lordco parking lot and just sat there for a minute. Kerrie asked if he could text his mom and sister. I told him he could. After a few minutes, Kerrie and his son went into Lordco to pick up a part for my truck while I tried to compose myself. I texted Crystal “I have cancer.” It felt so bizarre typing those words. It didn’t feel like it was me typing. By the time Kerrie came back out, I was in a sense of shock I think. We were both shaken though and Kerrie decided to cancel the game that night. He called the other team and texted the rest of our team to let them know the game was off. I texted Crystal back. Kerrie’s son was starting to get antsy in the back seat. I can’t remember how long we were even in the Lordco parking lot. Kerrie tried texting his ex to see if we could move up the pick up and drop off time and we headed to the mall.

We got to the mall and waited for Kerrie’s ex and his daughter to show up. As the news sank in, I began to worry about how I would tell my mom. I was scared about what this news would do to her health. I told Kerrie I was going to phone my brother, Allan and got out of the truck. I walked the painted white line back and forth as I filled Allan in on the last couple weeks. I asked for his help with Mom and he offered to come down that Saturday to help me tell Mom. It was going to be hard to keep the secret from her for that many days, but I was grateful that Allan was coming to help. I got back in the truck and told Kerrie the plan.

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